THIS WEEK ON TO THE CONTRARY.•• FIRST, QUESTIONABLE ETHICS - SEPARATING THE TRUMP WHITE HOUSE FROM THE TRUMP BRAND.

THEN, GIVING SENATOR WARREN A MEGAPHONE.

BEHIND THE HEADLINES: HEALING RELATIONSHIPS DAMAGED BY THE 2016 ELECTION.

[♪♪] HELLO, I'M BONNIE ERBE.

WELCOME TO TO THE CONTRARY, A DISCUSSION OF NEWS AND SOCIAL TRENDS FROM DIVERSE PERSPECTIVES.

UP FIRST, THE TRUMP FAMILY AND BRAND MARKETING FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP FILED A $150 MILLION LAWSUIT AGAINST THE OWNER OF THE DAILY MAIL CLAIMING THE ONLINE NEWS SITE DEFAMED HER IN AN ARTICLE THAT INCLUDED ALLEGATIONS ABOUT THE FIRST LADY'S PAST.

THE LAWSUIT ARGUES THE ARTICLE DAMAGED MRS. TRUMP'S "UNIQUE, ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY WHICH COULD HAVE GARNERED MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR BUSINESS RELATIONSHIPS."

AND AFTER NORDSTROM'S ANNOUNCED IT WAS DROPPING FIRST DAUGHTER IVANKS TRUMP'S FASHION LINE, THE PRESIDENT TOOK TO TWITTER WITH A MESSAGE THAT THE DEPARTMENT STORE TREATED HIS DAUGHTER UNFAIRLY.

THE TWEET APPEARED ON HIS PERSONAL TWITTER AS WELL AS @POTUS.

THEN WHITE HOUSE COUNSELOR KELLYANNE CONWAY PLUGGED IVANKA'S CLOTHING ON FOX NEWSCHANNEL.

>> IT IS A WONDERFUL LINE.

I OWN SOME OF IT AND I WILL GIVE A FREE COMMERCIAL BUY IT TODAY ON-LINE.

THEN IT WAS REVEALED THIS WEEK, PRESIDENT TRUMP'S SON ERIC, SOCKED AN ALMOST $100,000 BILL TO THE TAXPAYERS, FOR SECRET SERVICE PROTECTION ON A BUSINESS TRIP TO URUGUAY TO PLUG A TRUMP ORGANIZATION PROPERTY.

ETHICS EXPERTS CLAIM THIS IS A CLEAR CASE WHERE GOVERNMENT AGENCIES ARE FORCED TO PAY TO SUPPORT BUSINESS OPERATIONS THAT ULTIMATELY HELP TO ENRICH THE PRESIDENT HIMSELF.

>> SO, I'M SCRATCHING MY HEAD AS I ASK YOU THIS QUESTION BUT WHAT ARE FEMALE TRUMP VOTERS THINKING AS THEY WATCH THIS PROCESSION OF ETHICAL VIOLATIONS?

>> I THINK THEY ARE CONCERNED.

BUT THEN LET'S GET BACK TO THE REAL REASON WHY THEY VOTED FOR TRUMP IT WAS NOT BECAUSE OF ETHICS BUT THEY ARE CONCERNED ABOUT THE UNEMPLOYMENT WITH THEIR HUSBANDS AND SONS.

>> I THINK ETHICS IS NOT INVOLVED WHY PEOPLE VOTED FOR TRUMP BUT THIS IS A WIN FOR CONSUMERS AND PURCHASING POWER AND WE'RE SEEING HEROS EMERGE FROM BUREAUCRATS AND LAWYERS AND THE EVERYDAY BUYER.

>> I WILL ECHO PATRICE'S STATEMENTS AND SAY WE ARE IN A WHOLE NEW AREA NOW WHERE WE WERE NOT USED TO A BUSINESS PERSPECTIVE COMING IN AND WE ARE IN UNCHARTERED TERRITORY.

>> LIKE TRUMP SAID HE COULD SHOOT SOMEONE IN THE HEAD AND PEOPLE WOULD STILL SUPPORT HIM AND THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF THAT.

>> AS A TRAINED LAWYER I LOOK AT WHAT IS GOING ON AND I CANNOT BELIEVE IT KELLYANNE A REGULAR ON THE SHOW FOR 20 YEARS SITTING IN FRONT OF THE WHITE HOUSE LOGO PUSHING A BRAND.

AND HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO CLEAN -- DRAIN THE SWAMP.

THE SWAMP IS NOW AN OCEAN BECAUSE OF ALL THE EXTRA CRAP THAT HE HAS PUT INTO IT.

>> IT'S NOT A GOOD LOOK.

BUT YOU KNOW, IT'S AMAZING.

PEW -- >> WHY AREN'T THERE CONSEQUENCES?

ANYBODY ELSE ANY OTHER PRESIDENT WOULD HAVE FIRED A SO-CALLED ADVISER, COUNSELOR WHO DID SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON THE SPOT?

THIS IS CORRUPT.

THIS IS SELF -- >> ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THAT HAPPENING?

>> NO, BECAUSE NOBODY -- THERE'S NEVER BEEN A WHITE HOUSE LIKE THIS BEFORE.

>> WE ARE IN UNCHARTERED -- WE DON'T KNOW.

WE HAVE NOT HAD SOMEONE STRAIGHT FROM A BUSINESS COMING IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

>> YOUR GOVERNMENT POSITION TO ENRICH YOURSELF OR YOUR FRIENDS.

IT IS A CLEAR ETHICAL VIOLATION.

>> I'M NOT SURE HOW HE WOULD BE ABLE TO COMPLETELY GET AWAY FROM HIS BUSINESS.

HE HAS SO MANY.

>> A BLIND TRUST WHICH HE REFUSES TO DO.

>> AND RELEASES THE TAXES.

>> LET ME TELL YOU, KELLYANNE DID WHAT HER BOSS TOLD HER TO DO THAT IS WHY SHE IS NOT FIRED.

WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE SPECIFIC -- CLEARLY WHEN SHE IS ON TV SHE KNOWS HE IS WATCHING AND SHE KNOWS SHE NEEDS TO KEEP HIM HAPPY AND THAT IS WHAT HE WANTS TO HEAR.

WHEN YOU SAW HIS REACTION TO WHAT HAPPENED WITH NORDSTROM'S AND IT WAS A BUSINESS DECISION IF I SEE SOMETHING WITH TRUMP IN THE STORE I WILL NOT BUY IT.

>> AND GRAB YOUR WALLET THAT IS A BIGGER -- A BUSINESS DECISION ON -- [ALL TALKING AT ONCE] >> THE CLIENTS ARE TELLING THEM I'M NOT BUYING UNTIL YOU DROP HER BRAND AND IT WASN'T SELLING.

>> AND THAT IS ONE OF THE THINGS, I CONTINUE TO LOOK FOR THE SILVER LININGS WE ARE SEEING AND I DO THINK THE ACCOUNTABILITY REGARDLESS OF WHO AND HOW AND WHERE IS ONE OF THOSE SILVER LININGS.

AND THE RULE OF LAW IS AN EXAMPLE BUT THE POWER OF CONSUMERS.

PARTICULARLY AS AMERICANS WE'VE ALWAYS CRITICIZED OURSELVES FOR BEING SO CONSUMER DRIVEN.

IT'S NICE TO SEE HOW CONSUMER POWER IS DOING WHAT PEOPLE PERCEIVE TO BE GOOD WORK.

>> IT'S MISPLACED WE ARE BOYCOTTING IVANKA TRUMP BECAUSE SHE SUPPORTS HER FATHER.

I WILL ALWAYS SUPPORT MY FATHER SO PEOPLE WILL ATTACK ME AND NOT JUST HIM AND I THINK THAT IS UNFAIR.

>> YEAH, BUT, I MEAN, UNTIL HE PUTS EVERYTHING HE OWNS IN A BLIND TRUST, DO YOU WANT TO KEEP SEEING MORE ETHICAL VIOLATIONS RISING AGAINST HIM?

THIS IS GOING TO DOG HIM HIS ENTIRE PRESIDENCY.

MANY TIMES A DAY EVERYDAY.

>> MANY TIMES A DAY.

BUT I THINK THERE'S GOING TO BE A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH HIS CHILDREN BEING SO CLOSE AND RUNNING THE BUSINESS BECAUSE IN THE ERIC TRUMP SITUATION HE HAS SECRET SERVICE.

IF HE IS STILL DOING STUFF WITH THE BUSINESS THAT IS GOING TO BE SECRET SERVICE AND TAXPAYERS PAYING FOR THINGS AND THAT NEEDS TO BE LOOKED INTO AND WE NEED TO FIGURE IT OUT AND TRUMP HAS TO BE WILLING TO GO ALONG WITH IT.

WE HAVE NOT DEALT WITH THIS BEFORE.

AND SO THERE'S GOING TO BE STADIUM BASE METALS AND NEW -- STUMBLES AND NEW THINGS TO LEARN AND WE CANNOT ASSIGN THE WORST MOTIVES TO TRUMP.

>> ARE CONSERVATIVE WOMEN CONCERNED?

LOOK AT MELANIA TRUMP SUES A BLOGGER BECAUSE HE -- >> HE CALLED HER AN ESCORT.

>> ESCORT.

AND SHE SAID THAT THAT DENIED HER A MARKETING OPPORTUNITY?

SHE IS LOOKING AT THE FIRST LADY'S POSITION AS A MARKETING OPPORTUNITY.

THAT DOESN'T BOTHER CONSERVATIVE WOMEN?

>> I THINK THE ADMINISTRATION HAS GONE BACK AND SAID THAT WAS MISUNDERSTOOD IN THE LAWSUIT ITSELF.

>> EVERYTHING THEY DON'T LIKE IS MISUNDERSTOOD AND THEY HAVE TO REINTERPRET IT.

>> I THINK WHEN IT COMES TO CONSERVATIVE WOMEN, MY ORIGINAL POINT WAS WHEN THEY ELECTED DONALD TRUMP THEY WERE THINKING ABOUT THEIR HUSBANDS AND SONS WHO WHO ARE BLUE-COLLAR WORKERS AND -- >> HOW ABOUT THEMSELVES?

>> AND THEY ARE TIED TO THEIR FAMILIES.

THEY HAVE SEEN INCOMES FALL AND ECONOMIC MOBILITY SO HARD TO DO WHEN PEW INTERVIEWED AMERICANS IN DECEMBER AND THEN THE BEGINNING OF JANUARY, THE CONCERN OVER THESE ISSUES DROPPED FROM 65% TO ABOUT 57%.

SO AMERICANS ARE NOT AS CONCERNED.

WE CAN SEE WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN WITH THE MONTH OF FEBRUARY BUT I THINK PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW WHETHER THE PRESIDENT CAN DELIVER ON HIS PROMISES, PARTICULARLY TO GET THEM BACK TO WORK.

>> YOU KNOW WHEN HE CAME INTO OFFICE, THE DECEMBER UP EMPLOYMENT DROPPED FROM 4.9 TO 4.8%.

WHICH IS ANYTHING BELOW 5 IS WONDERFUL BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET MUCH LOWER THAN THAT.

SO WE LEFT WITH AN ADMINISTRATION WHO GOT THE UNEMPLOYMENT RATE DOWN AFTER THE GREAT RECESSION, WHO HAD NOT ONE PEOPLE DON'T TALK ABOUT THIS, BUT NOT ONE ETHICAL VIOLATION OF EIGHT YEARS IN OFFICE BECAUSE EVERYBODY WAS SCREENED AND PEOPLE WOULD VIOLATED RULES WERE FIRED.

SO WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

>> I BET PEOPLE ARE MISSING NO DRAMA OBAMA RIGHT NOW.

THIS HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT NONSTOP DRAMA SINCE THIS ADMINISTRATION HAS BEEN IN THE WHITE HOUSE AND WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE RUSSIAN DRAMA THAT IS BEING INVESTIGATED.

BUT FOR SOME REASON -- >> THE HACKING THE ELECTION?

>> NOT ONLY THE HACKING BUT THE TIES BETWEEN THE RUSSIANS AND HIS CAMPAIGN OPERATIVES.

THERE ARE INVESTIGATIONS GOING ON RIGHT NOW.

EVERYDAY HE HAS A TWEET GOING OUT AND EVERYDAY THERE IS AN EXECUTIVE ORDER.

THIS IS REAL-LIFE IN PRACTICE AND ALL OF THE OTHER VERY, VERY IMPORTANT ISSUES THAT GO TO WHETHER OR NOT OUR NATION HAS BEEN CO-OPED BY HOSTILE FOREIGN GOVERNMENT IS BEING GLOSSED OVER BECAUSE WE ARE DISTRACTED BY IVANKA TRUMP'S SHOES.

>> YOUR THOUGHTS?

>> AGAIN FOR THE SILVER LINING THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT ARE TESTING US BOTH AS A SOCIETY AND PEOPLE AND CONSTITUTION AND RULE OF LAW AND WE HAVE TO FIND WAYS TO WORK TOGETHER AS A SOCIETY AND GOVERNMENT AND COMMUNITY.

AND I THINK WE ARE BEGINNING TO SEE NEW WAYS OF DOING THAT.

LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.

PLEASE FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @BONNIEERBE.

FROM WHITE HOUSE ETHICS TO REPUBLICAN LEADERS CENSORING SEN. ELIZABETH WARREN.

FORMER SENATOR JEFF SESSIONS WAS SWORN IN THIS WEEK AS ATTORNEY GENERAL BUT SENATE DEBATE OVER HIS NOMINATION MAY HAVE BOOSTED MASSACHUSETTS SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN'S STANDING AS A FEMINIST LEADER.

SHE WAS SILENCED ON THE SENATE FLOOR WHILE SHE WAS READING A LETTER BY THE LATE CORETTA SCOTT KING.

MRS. KING WROTE THE LETTER OPPOSING SESSIONS' NOMINATION TO A FEDERAL JUDGESHIP IN 1986.

SENATE MAJORITY LEADER MITCH MCCONNELL CLAIMS WARREN WAS IN DIRECT VIOLATION OF SENATE RULE 19 WHICH SAYS SENATORS CANNOT ESSENTIALLY, IMPUGN ANOTHER SENATOR."

DEMOCRATIC SENATORS AND ACTIVISTS TOOK TO TWITTER IN DEFENSE OF WARREN CREATING THE HASHTAG #LETLIZSPEAK AND # SHEPERSISTED.

WARREN CONTINUED HER SPEECH ON FACEBOOK LIVE GAINING CLOSE TO 3 MILLION VIEWS.

AND IT ROSE THAT WAS THREE MILLION VIEWS WHILE LIVE AND IT'S BEEN VIEWED BY MILLIONS MORE.

SHE IS ON THE LIST OF POTENTIAL FEMALE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES FOR 2020.

DID THIS BOOST HER STANDING OR LOWER IT?

>> I THINK IT BOOSTED, PARTICULARLY BETWEEN DEMOGRAPHIC THAT IS SYMPATHETIC TO THE DEMOCRATS.

AND THERE WAS CONCERN ABOUT HER VOTE ON BEN CARSON AND OTHERS SO IT PUT HER BACK IN THE FRONTLINES INTO THE LIMELIGHT AND IT WAS A RALLYING CRY FOR WOMEN.

>> BECAUSE PEOPLE OPPOSE THAT SHE SUPPORTED BEN CARSON?

>> SHE HAD NOT VOTED, YEAH.

>> YOUR THOUGHTS?

>> ANOTHER DISTRACTION FROM ELIZABETH WARREN, LET'S GET THE FACTS STRAIGHT.

SHE WAS GOING ON A LENGTHY SPEECH FOR 30 MINUTES.

SHE WAS WARNED AND THEN SHE CONTINUED TO RELENT.

I DON'T FIND THAT SHE IS A CIVIL RIGHTS HERO WHICH BY READING THE SPEECH MAYBE SHE IS TRYING TO MAKE THAT CONNECTION.

SHE WAS BRINGING MORE DISCORD AND RHETORIC TO THE FLOOR OF THE SENATE.

AND I HAVE FOUND THAT -- >> LINDSEY GRAHAM SAID AFTERWARDS THAT THE CENSORING WAS LONG OVERDUE.

AND DOES IT LOOK TO YOU AT ALL LIKE A BUNCH OF GUYS GETTING ANGRY AT A WOMAN WHO HAS A MOUTH AND USES IT?

>> ONLY IF THE SIX OTHER FEMALE SENATORS DID NOT VOTE WITH THE OTHER 43 OTHER SENATORS TO CENSOR HER BECAUSE SHE WAS WRONG.

IF WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT FEMALE SENATORS WHO DISAGREED WITH HER AND HER DIATRIBE THEN IT IS FAIR TO SAY SHE WAS GOING TOO FAR AND USING IT AS A POLITICAL PLATFORM TO RAISE HER PERSPECTIVE AND HER STATUS.

>> THE PERSON WHO IS A LEGITIMATE CIVIL RIGHTS HERO IS CORETTA SCOTT KING AND SHE WAS INTERRUPTED READING THE COVER LETTER TO THE 10-PAGE WRITTEN TESTIMONY THE LAST TIME THAT SESSIONS WAS UP FOR NOMINATION IN TERMS OF THIS FEDERAL JUDICIAL.

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED HERE, IS THAT I TAKE PERSONAL OFFENSE THAT SHE WAS STOPPED IN RELAYING THE VERY REAL CONCERNS THAT CORETTA SCOTT KING EXPRESSED PREVIOUSLY WHICH IS RELEVANT TO SOMEONE WHO WILL BE THE HIGHEST VOICE OF LAW IN THE LAND MOVING FORWARD.

AND THAT TO ME IS WHAT I THINK GOT PEOPLE RUFFLED.

I KNOW IT GOT ME RUFFLED AND ONE OF THE REASONS WHY PEOPLE TOOK SUCH OFFENSE.

HE DID NOT JUST STOP HER SAYING ANYTHING.

SHE WAS READING WHAT WAS IN CONGRESSIONAL RECORD ALREADY SUBMITTED AND ONE COULD QUESTION IF THE RULE THAT HE IMPOSED WAS CORRECT BECAUSE SHE WAS JUST READING WHAT WAS ALREADY IN THE RECORD.

>> AND MALE SENATORS AFTER HER WHO WENT TO READ THE REST OF THE LETTER AND THEY WERE NOT CENSORED.

>> BECAUSE LET'S GO BACK TO RELAYING THE FACTS.

SHE HAD BEEN READING FROM TED KENNEDY WHO CALLED SESSIONS A DISGRACE.

SHE WAS WARNED TO STOP.

AND WENT IN WITH CORETTA SCOTT KING AND IT WAS NOT THE ENTIRE LETTER THAT IS WHY THE MALE SENATORS WERE ALLOWED TO READ BECAUSE THEY PICKED UP WHERE SHE LEFT OFF.

THEY WERE INCENSED WHERE KING WROTE THAT JEFF SESSIONS WAS USING HIS OFFICE IN ORDER TO KEEP BLACKS FROM VOTING.

>> AND THAT IS TRUE.

>> SHE WAS WARNED ON AND THE MALE SENATORS DID NOT READ THOSE SECTIONS AGAIN THAT IS WHY THEY WERE NOT CENSORED THE IDEA THAT IT WAS CORETTA SCOTT KING WAS CENSORED IT WAS NOT HER ENTIRE LETTER IT WAS THAT PASSAGE.

>> THE PASSAGE WAS IN THE STATEMENT.

>> IT WAS NOT THE ENIRTOO STATEMENT.

>> THAT IS IRRELEVANT THAT IT WAS PART.

>> ONE AT A TIME.

WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT.

WHAT ARE AFRICAN-AMERICANS THINKING NOW THAT JEFF SESSIONS IS ATTORNEY GENERAL?

>> IT IS A DANGEROUS TIME.

BECAUSE ACTUALLY CORETTA SCOTT KING'S LETTER WAS GOING TO HIS ACTIVIST ACTION AGAINST VOTING RIGHTS AND THAT IS SOMETHING THAT IS STILL UNDER ATTACK IN AMERICA.

AND IT'S CONCERNING BECAUSE WE HAVE -- >> NORTH CAROLINA IN THIS PAST ELECTION.

>> AND FLORIDA AND YOU CAN GO ON AND ON AND WISCONSIN.

AND IN ADDITION WE HAVE CITIES UNDER CONSENT DECREES AND WE HAVE SOMEONE IN OFFICE TALKING ABOUT LAW AND ORDER AND TALKING ABOUT STOP AND FRISK AND SOMEONE IN THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT SUPPOSED TO BE THE LAST LINE OF DEFENSE BETWEEN AN OVERREACHING GOVERNMENT AND THE CITIZENS AND WE'VE SEEN THAT THIS PRESIDENT HAS NO PATIENCE FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS THE GALL TO STAND UP AGAINST HIM IN FAVOR OF THE CONSTITUTION.

HE PUT A YES MAN IN THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE AND THAT TO ME IS A THREAT TO JUSTICE IN THIS NATION PERIOD.

>> WHAT ARE CONSERVATIVE BLACK AMERICANS THINKING ABOUT IT?

>> THEY ARE THINKING THOSE IN CITIES THAT ARE OVERRUN WITH VIOLENCE FOR DECADES ARE WORRIED ABOUT INSURING THAT LAW ENFORCEMENT IS RESTORED AND THAT PEOPLE ARE ARRESTED WHERE NEED BE AND -- CRIMINAL JUSTICE REFORM IS NOT STILL AN ISSUE THAT I THINK A LOT OF BLACK CONSERVATIVES WORRY ABOUT AND REACH ACROSS THE AISLE ON.

>> WHAT ABOUT VOTING RIGHTS?

>> EVERYONE AGREES THAT EVERYONE SHOULD BE ABLE TO VOTE.

BLACK CONSERVATIVES AGREE WITH THAT POSITION.

>> RIGHT.

THEY AGREE WITH THAT POSITION BUT IS THAT THE KIND OF JUSTICE DEPARTMENT THAT SESSIONS IS GOING TO RUN WHERE HE IS -- WHEN THERE ARE CALLS FOR SHUTTING DOWN VOTING RIGHTS IS HE GOING TO ENFORCE THAT?

>> ASKING PEOPLE TO SHOW A PHOTO ID TO PROVE WHO THEY ARE?

>> WHATEVER THE REQUIREMENTS ARE.

>> WE WANT TO ENSURE THAT THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT IS ENSURING EVERYONE QUALIFIED TO VOTE AND IS ABLE TO VOTE IS VOTING THAT THERE IS NOT VOTER FRAUD.

TO PAINT ALL BLACKS WITH THE SAME BRUSH IS NOT ACCURATE.

>> TRUMP DID WIN 9% OF THE BLACK VOTE AND HILLARY CLINTON WON 90%.

SO IT'S NOT TOO FAR OFF THE MARK TO SAY THE MAJORITY THE WAY MAJORITY OF AFRICAN-AMERICANS ARE NOT IN SUPPORT OF THIS PRESIDENT?

>> THAT WOULD BE THE CASE DEFINITELY BE THE CASE OR THE BLACKS AS HE WOULD SAY.

>> POLARIZING POLITICS AND PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS.

>> ACCORDING TO A REUTERS IPSOS POLL THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION STRAINED AND FRACTURED RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN COUPLES, FAMILY MEMBERS AND FRIENDS.

16% OF THOSE POLLED SAID THEY STOPPED TALKING TO A FAMILY MEMBER OR CLOSE FRIEND.

13% ENDED A RELATIONSHIP.

>> WE HAVE THIS NETWORK OF A COUPLE THOUSAND THERAPIES AND ON-LINE WITH THEM AND IT'S REALLY THE CASE THEY ARE ALL TALKING TO EACH OTHER ABOUT HOW THEY ARE DEALING WITH THE IMPACT OF THE POLITICAL SITUATION ON THE COUPLES AND THAT IT'S ONE OF THE MOST DISTURBING THINGS THAT COUPLES ARE BRINGING INTO THE OFFICE NOW.

IT'S SURPRISING TO ME.

WHEN I WAS ACTIVE, NOBODY HAD A CONFLICT MUCH OVER POLITICS.

THEY HAD CONFLICT OVER SEX OR MONEY OR STUFF LIKE THAT.

BUT POLITICS?

>> RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS Dr. HENDRICKS AND HIS WIFE AND PARTNER Dr. HUNT SAYS DIFFERENCES ARE REAL BUT COUPLES, FRIENDS AND FAMILY CAN GET PAST THEM AND LEARN TO CONNECT IN OTHER WAYS.

>> HOW I SHARE MY VIEW OF THINGS CAN EITHER END UP WITH TWO PEOPLE CONNECTED IN DIFFERENCE OR IT CAN SHUT THEM DOWN.

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAY IT'S HOW YOU SAY IT WHEN YOU BRING UP THE ISSUE IN A WAY THAT DOES NOT MAKE THE PERSON LISTENING FEEL PUT DOWN.

AND THAT'S MOVING MORE INTO SHIFTING FROM JUDGMENT TO CURIOSITY.

>> IF YOU WANT TO STAY POLARIZED THEN ARGUE ABOUT WHO IS RIGHT.

IF YOU WANT TO CONNECT YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT EACH OTHER'S DIFFERENCES.

>> Dr. HENDRICKS CREATED RELATIONSHIP THERAPY A STRUCTURED WAY OF LISTENING TO SOMEONE ELSE SUMMARIZING WHAT THEY SAID AND ASKING IF THEY HAVE MORE TO SAY AND TAKING TURNS SHARING PERSPECTIVES, PARTICIPANTS OFTEN START OUT BEING RESISTANT TO A STYLE OF CONVERSATION.

>> YES, IT'S LIKE I DON'T WANT THE STRUCTURE.

WELL HOW [INAUDIBLE] >> ONCE PEOPLE EXPERIENCE IT, THEY LOVE THE STRUCTURE.

BECAUSE IT'S SAFE.

>> OH, YES.

>> IT'S JUST EVERYBODY GOES, THANK GOD AT LEAST I KNOW I CAN COUNT ON THE OTHER LISTENING TO ME.

>> THE STRUCTURED APPROACH WORKS BECAUSE OF THE GENERAL PRINCIPLES OF BRAIN SCIENCE.

>> ONE OF THE GREAT INSIGHTS IN NEUROSCIENCE YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR FIRST THOUGHT BUT YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR SECOND AND THAT IS EMPOWERING.

BECAUSE IF SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING AND WE ARE REACTIVE WE WILL LET THEM HAVE IT AND TELL THEM HOW WE FEEL BUT IT IS HE FROM THAT LOWER BRAIN THE STRUCTURE FORCES YOU OUT OF THE LOWER BRAIN INTO YOUR UPPER BRAIN.

>> UP HERE THIS PART OF THE BRAIN YOU CAN PROBLEM SOLVE.

AND COLLABORATE AND COOPERATE.

DOWN HERE THE REACTIVE PART OF THE BRAIN IT'S MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY.

YOU NEED TO SEE MY POINT OF VIEW.

OR YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

HOW CAN ANYONE TAKE YOUR POINT OF VIEW.

BUT THE UPPER BRAIN YOU MAY DISAGREE AT THE END BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE SPLIT AND DAMAGE TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE YOU HAVE A DIFFERENT POLITICAL PERSPECTIVE THAN THE OTHER.

>> I GET THAT IN THE WORLD YOU LIVE IN WHICH IS RELIGION, WOMEN, EMPOWER.

AND SUCH, THAT YOU ARE VERY ACCEPTING OF OTHER PEOPLE'S POSITIONS BECAUSE YOUR JOB TRAINED YOU TO BE THAT WAY.

DO YOU AGREE WITH WHAT THEY ARE SAYING TO GET -- OBVIOUSLY COUPLES WHERE ONE VOTED FOR HILLARY AND ONE FOR TRUMP, YOU COULD SEE WHERE THAT WOULD BE A DIFFERENT THING TO LIVE THROUGH?

>> ABSOLUTELY AND I'M SMILING BECAUSE IT TRIGGERS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT I REALIZED MY MARRIAGE WAS FAILING WAS OVER A CONVERSATION OVER TRAYVON MARTIN AND I REMEMBER THINKING TO MYSELF I DO NOT THINK I CAN LIVE WITH THIS PERSON ANY LONGER.

NO MATTER YOUR TRAINING IT IS NOT A MATTER OF RIGHT OR WRONG.

WHEN I LOOK AT THE ELECTIONS AND CONVERSATIONS I GREW UP IN SOUTH CAROLINA AND I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT VOTED FOR TRUMP AND I NEED THEM TO SEE ME NOT TALK POLITICS BUT SEE I'M PLANNING TO EXPECTING TO BE IN A CAMP IF THINGS CONTINUE THE WAY THEY ARE GOING AND THAT IS A REAL FEAR.

DO NOT DISMISS MY FEAR.

SO I THINK IT'S NOT JUST A MATTER OF RIGHT OR WRONG I THINK IT'S SEEING PEOPLE.

THE SAME WAY YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE WANTING JOBS AND INCOME WE NEED TO SEE THAT PART, TOO.

AND WHEN WE ARE ABLE TO SEE EACH OTHER'S PAIN AND PAIN THAT IS NOT TRANSFORMED IS TRANSFERRED AND THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING POST ELECTION CYCLE.

>> AND PEOPLE NEED TO REMEMBER WHY DID YOU LIKE SOMEONE BEFORE POLITICS?

I MEAN I SEE ALL THE MESSAGES ON Facebook.

I'VE DEFRIENDED ALL THESE PEOPLE.

I HAVE BEEN MUTING PEOPLE THAT ARE NONSTOP ACRIMONY ON Facebook.

I DO NOT WANT TO DELETE THEM BECAUSE WE WERE FRIENDS BEFORE THIS.

I HAVE ONE PERSON THAT IS CONSTANTLY SHOVING OUT THE WORST THINGS AND I YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER AND THEATER.

I STILL LOVE HIM.

LIKE I'M NOT GOING TO LIKE CUT HIM OUT OF MY LIFE BECAUSE OF HIS POLITICAL VIEWS AND HIS FEARS.

AND I THINK MORE PEOPLE NEED TO JUST ACCEPT THAT THE PERSON MIGHT NOT BE THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD.

YOU LIKED THEM ONCE FOR ONE REASON AND THAT PART OF THEM IS STILL THERE.

>> WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I STILL LOVE YOU, BUT LET'S NOT TALK POLITICS.

>> SOMETIMES IT WORKS IN MARRIAGE.

WHAT IS FUNNY WHEN I HAD A FRIEND THAT WE DISAGREE ON POLITICS BUT WHEN I HEARD THAT SHE WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT POLITICS WENT OUT THE WINDOW.

IT WAS ABOUT HER AND THAT RELATIONSHIP.

AND IF WE CAN GET BACK TO THAT POINT WHERE WE ARE INDIVIDUALS AND WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER POLITICS WILL COME AND GO.

BUT WE CAN TREAT EACH OTHER WITH RESPECT AND REMEMBER THAT.

>> THAT IS CERTAINLY SOMETHING TO ASPIRE TO.

I THINK THE THING THAT MAKES THIS PARTICULAR CIRCUMSTANCE DIFFERENT IS THAT THIS PARTICULAR INDIVIDUAL IS UBER DIVISIVE AND VERY OFFENSIVE AND HATEFUL IN A LOT OF THE THINGS HE SAYS.

>> AND E-MAILS COMPARING HIM TO HITLER AND THAT BY SCHOLARS, AND THAT HE SLEPT WITH A ONE OF HITLER'S BOOKS BY HIS BED FOR YEARS IN THE 90s.

>> I'M NOT SURPRISED TO HEAR THAT.

LISTENING TO THE EXPLANATION OF WHAT HAPPENS THE NEUROSCIENCE MAKES ME THINK THAT MAYBE TRUMP LIVES IN THE BACK OF HIS BRAIN.

IT'S MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY AND HAVING THE VOLATILE PERSPECTIVE SEEPS DOWN.

>> HAVE YOU THE CUTOFF FRIENDS?

>> I HAVE.

I HAVE.

THERE'S NOTHING THAT I COULD IMAGINE REALLY EVEN HAVING TO TALK WITH THAT PERSON ABOUT TO BE HONEST.

>> DO YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY?

>> IT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVER TO SPEAK TO TRUMP SUPPORTERS I'M GOING OUT OF MY WAY GOING BACK TO WHERE I GREW UP TO SPARTANBURG AND I'M TRYING TO REACH OUT BUT BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT'S IMPORTANT FOR US TO ADDRESS THIS ISSUE AND IT'S NOT ABOUT PEOPLE.

>> THAT IS IT FOR THIS EDITION.

PLEASE FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER AND VISIT OUR WEBSITE AND WHETHER YOU AGREE OR THINK TO THE CONTRARY, SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

[♪♪] FOR A TRANSCRIPT OR TO SEE AN ON-LINE VERSION OF THIS EPISODE OF TO THE CONTRARY VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT PBS.ORG/TOTHECONTRARY.

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